More Than Expected

For more on my Vaping Journey:
Favorite Topics

Vaping has given me more than I ever expected! I noticed this last night as I worked on the “Favorite Topics” page.

Vaping has tamed my Baby Fever! It is not gone, but Vaping has given me something to focus my attention on. I feel productive and like I am achieving something. Something that is moving me towards the goal of having kids!

I see it this way, by quitting smoking I am:

→ Making my body healthier to carry a child.

→I feel that I will be able to get healthier, now that I can BREATHE!

→Our home will be cleaner and smell better(no ashtrays and smoke) and thus will be more suitable for kids.

So… hip hip hooray for kicking butt!

More Mommy Questions

I tried this a while back, I’ll give it another shot! After all, I want as much honest Mommy advice as I can get! I am on my way to getting healthy and ready for pregnancy and I like stock piling information well in advance! 🙂

1. What is the best “ah-ha” moment you had as a new mom? One that helped you settle into your new role as a mommy?

2. Scariest thing about Motherhood that no one warned you about?

3. Do you follow a “parenting model” or identify as a “type” of parent?(I.e.- attachment, crunchy, baby led) Or did that go out the window quickly?

4. Best advice you ever recieved about becoming a new mom?

I hope you can take a moment to answer these! If I get enough responses I hope to repost with a summary of advice!

♥♡♥♡ Thank you!

Grace

No. This has nothing to do with religion. Grace was my nick-name my parents gave me when I was little.

This was one of those ironic nicknames.  Kinda like calling the fat kid, Tiny. I was called Grace- as in, [insert various mishap] then I’d hear “Way to go, Grace!”

I figured I’d share this, as it has been a conversation between Butthead and I while we ponder what our future kids will be like. I pray they have his coordination!

Seriously. As I think ahead to parenthood, I seriously feel for what my parents went through with me. Starting from the time I could walk. My mom told me that my first few steps launched me head first into the coffee table. Growing up, I was unaware we had one, this is because after my head dive into it- she moved it behind the love seat. The fact that it didn’t come out after my toddler years reveals a lot about my mothers confidence in my coordination!

Age 5. I got my magnificent Barbie Corvette! I’m sure my parents thought… much safer than a bike! Low to the ground, it has doors- what could I possibly do to hurt myself? Oh… my poor unassuming parents! I know the words for “wtf” had to run through my Dads head as he came running to me calling for him. He, however, instantly laughed when he saw my predicament.

Yes, ladies and gents, I had run my Barbie car UNDER the side of his truck. This was our conversation:

Me: Daddddddy! Help!

Dad: Back up. (Snickers)

Me: (ramming my chest and face against the truck, because I’m hitting the pedal) I caaaaaaaant!

Dad: The button! Flip it to reverse! (Snorts with laughter)

Me: (beginning to cry) I-I-I ca-ca-can’t reeeeeach it!

So he laughs as he drags me out. There were constant cases like this. Falling off the bed and getting stuck between the bed and the wall… falling down the stairs…and of course, just tripping and falling. One Christmas I asked, begged for a skip it.

It was the only thing I ever begged for (besides a brother or sister)  that I didn’t get! Looking back… I know why. They feared I would kill myself with it.

Anyhoo… I seriously worry my kids will get nothing from me but my poor coordination!

Seriously, people. This is what I envision! At least if this is the case and they are mischievous lil shits like their dad, they will be easy to catch when they run for it! Ha!

Daddies

I found this blog post recently.
It made me think about my own daddy- who would have celebrated his birthday today, Happy Heavenly bday Daddy!
The post also made me think of the type of Daddy Butthead will be.

Here is the post:
You Just Broke Your Child

The blogger brings up very good points! I particularly love the following points:

-“A child is what you tell them they are.” If you constantly tell them they are stupid or careless… that is what they will believe!

-“Do you not realise that your kids are going to make mistakes?” Belittling them over these mistakes tears down their self confidence.

-Tell and show them you love them

-Take joy in their questions and in every little quirk.

-Teach good gender roles! Who cares if your son wears pink or your daughter wants hotwheels!

All these things remind me how lucky I was to have an awesome Daddy!

My Daddy did all these things to nurture and help me grow. He taught me how I should be treated by treating my Mom like gold. He LOVED her like crazy. He let me know how special I was, that I was smart and I could use my intellect to conquer problems.

My Dad did not limit me because I was a girl. He taught me to fish, he let me stand on his tool box and watch him work on our cars. He played wiffle ball with me, even though I spun like a top trying to hit his pitches. He passed on to me a love of racing and to this day, I know more about cars than Butthead.

He took time with me. Even if it was just letting me sit at his workbench with him as he drafted designs for work. Allowing me to be at his side was enough. I worshiped the ground he walked on. My Daddy will always be my hero.

I know our kids will see Butthead the same way. I so look forward to that. He is going to be an amazing Daddy! He is a big kid himself! He has no problem playing Legos with Turkey (which he actually did Friday night… he was proud of the racecar he made). Seeing him play with Turkey and aww and coo at little man makes me so excited for the day I can give him a child!

I know he will instill such confidence and wisdom in them. He will goof off and be silly with them too. He will be so amazing! That is so important! Knowing that your significant other will be a great parent is one of the most heartening things you can know.

What did you think of the article? Let me know! ♡

Dear Mom

Momma,

I miss you so much! I cannot believe it has been 9 years. There are so many things I want to ask you! Things I thought we’d have time for, things I never learned.

Momma, I wish I had paid more attention to you cook. I am miserable at it. I can make ediable dishes, but nothing spectacular like you did!

Momma, I wish you could be here to help my baby fever. I wish you could be here for that joyious day when I do find out I am expecting. To be there, share experiences, tell me things, walk me through it and most of all to hold your grandchild.

Momma, I will miss you so much more on days like that. The important ones… the day I walk down the aisle. I wish you could be there- both of us holding back tears, you telling me how beautiful I am. Everything I envisioned as a little girl, now is a bit bleaker because you will not be there.

A mother is so important. I cherished our time together- but 18 years was simply not enough! I still need my Mommy at 27 years old. I get so jealous seeing other women and their moms, sharing experiences, even if it is a simple chat over coffee.

I will never get to see you hold my child, tell me how much they looked like me or act like me. No cutesy stories of my babydom to compare to my child. I feel so robbed already. I feel like my future children have been robbed of what great grandparents you and Daddy would have been.

I don’t even know what names you wanted to be called… nanny, paw paw… I don’t know and I never will. That breaks my heart into so many pieces.

I miss you. I miss Daddy.  I love you both.♡
Love,
Your Baby Girl

You are My Sunshine

I remember my Momma singing this to me. ♡

I heard a commercial use it the other day. It made me smile, then I got sad. A little pang of sadness washed over me for two reasons.

One, I miss her dearly. Next June she will have been gone for ten years. I have found that somedays, there is just no substitute for the comfort of laying your head in your Mom’s lap and crying out all your sorrows. Momma used to let me do this and would stroke my hair and just listen. Oh, how I miss that comfort.

Two, as I stare down this long road to my own motherhood, I realize that having your own mom to guide you is priceless. My heart breaks that I do not have that. I have come to the realization that I do not know things about my own birth.  I know the sweet and simple. I know what’s written in my baby book. I do not know things about her pregnancy. I do not know those personal stories that mothers share with their daughters when they are pregnant.

I asked my aunt if she knew anything. Unfortunately, my mom didn’t confide things like that to her. I wish I had asked more questions, but I never knew I would only have 18 years with her. Cooking, relationships, motherhood, all things I thought I would have more time to discuss and learn from her.

I hate that I get jealous. I see mothers helping their daughters as they grow into wives and mothers. Here I sit, little orphan Annie, outside looking in. Like the movie scenes, hand on a rainy window- looking into a warm,  cozy, happy scene from the cold, damp exterior. It doesn’t last long, but my heart breaks more each time I experience it.

The worst lately was not being there in the room for the birth of Besties son. I UNDERSTAND she wanted her mom. That is important. It just hit me hard, because I WILL NOT have that option. It was a double sting.

I miss her. As I finish writing this, I feel the sting of tears in my eyes. I must hurry, before my vision blurs. So, I will leave you now. Til next time♡

I Can’t Seem to Help It

Baby on the brain. Craziness. Baby fever. Bio clock ticking.

Whatever you wish to call it, I’ve got it, bad! My fiance caught me yesterday and called me out.

We were helping out friend move. We were gathering final bits and I noticed his sister was leaving behind a very nice pack n play stuffed full of baby stuff. (Her son is 2 now)

So, this compulsion took over. I had to have it. I don’t know WHY- but it called my name. Loudly! I hop to and begin digging out the stuff. I was carefully tossing things I wanted into one pile and tossing the rest into a trash box. I was almost done, finish line in sight, when my fiance walked by. (Damn)

“Wha-what are you doing?” He almost kept walking but then as if an imaginary hook caught him, he paused and pondered.

“Cleaning this out, it’s a niiiice pack n play” I whispered.

His eyes narrow. “Why?!”

“It’s nice and…” I stammer

“We DON’T have a baby!” He’s flabbergasted.

“…but Baby J (besties baby)…” I mutter then he cuts me off.

“Already has one… put it back! Help with the stuff THEY want!” And he huffs off.

Shot down. Dammit. And made to feel crazy on top of it all. I DID get a bag of clothes to give to my bestie though. Ha. He shut up on that one. Anyhoo… til next time… ♡♡♡

A More Controlled Mindset, kinda

So, as most of my recent posts have stated, my life has been baby filled lately. Sorta like, this…

If you can’t hear her saying this in your head, you fail. Ha. Anyway, that’s pretty much the summary of life here lately- everyone but me! And those who haven’t spit out a kid are announcing they are about to.

And this ↑↑↑↑↑↑ has been my mental staus as of late. But as all feverers know too well, at some point we have to get our heads out of the clouds and put our feet back on the path to ACTUALLY achieving a pregnancy and motherhood.

So, for me, this is the waiting on the weight game. But, I have to remind myself a healthy me will increase the chances of a healthy baby and that, my friends, is worth the wait. ♡

Baby Insanity… the Escalation Continues

Babies. Babies. Babies!
They are everywhere! My goodness! And my nephew… totally making it worse. His squishy lil cheeks and soft skin and hair. I spent over an hour holding and cooing over him. I know my fiance saw it written all over my face. ↓↓↓

Haha. Maybe not THAT insane. Maybe.

I joked to a friend that everytime I hold a baby my uterus starts screaming profane things at me. It’s only a matter of time before it completely kicks my ass, I know it!

As far as my health, now that things have slowed a little and baby watch is over, I hope to start walking again. It’s *trying* to get cooler and I hope ideal conditions are ahead. I hope I can start providing you all with weight loss updates.

Well, that’s all for now. My screaming and profane uterus and I will go on our way! Til next time!♡♡♡

Perfect

TEN TINY FINGERS♥
TEN TINY TOES♥
ONE LITTLE MIRACLE♥

→Okay. So my previous posts about my rollercoaster relationship with my best friend seem pretty harsh. Perhaps the green eyed monster got me a little too well over these past weeks. I’ll admit to that.

But, today. Oh, today. I met my nephew.
♥Oh, be still, my heart! ♥
♡♡He is perfect♡♡

All bad feelings were set aside to enjoy this day with my best friend. My “sister.” I cannot wait to feel the swell of emotion and love for my own child. For it must be greater than that I feel for my niece and nephew and, today, the love I felt, seeing that precious face. Wow.♥

→→I.Can’t.Wait←←