You are My Sunshine

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I remember my Momma singing this to me. ♡

I heard a commercial use it the other day. It made me smile, then I got sad. A little pang of sadness washed over me for two reasons.

One, I miss her dearly. Next June she will have been gone for ten years. I have found that somedays, there is just no substitute for the comfort of laying your head in your Mom’s lap and crying out all your sorrows. Momma used to let me do this and would stroke my hair and just listen. Oh, how I miss that comfort.

Two, as I stare down this long road to my own motherhood, I realize that having your own mom to guide you is priceless. My heart breaks that I do not have that. I have come to the realization that I do not know things about my own birth.  I know the sweet and simple. I know what’s written in my baby book. I do not know things about her pregnancy. I do not know those personal stories that mothers share with their daughters when they are pregnant.

I asked my aunt if she knew anything. Unfortunately, my mom didn’t confide things like that to her. I wish I had asked more questions, but I never knew I would only have 18 years with her. Cooking, relationships, motherhood, all things I thought I would have more time to discuss and learn from her.

I hate that I get jealous. I see mothers helping their daughters as they grow into wives and mothers. Here I sit, little orphan Annie, outside looking in. Like the movie scenes, hand on a rainy window- looking into a warm,  cozy, happy scene from the cold, damp exterior. It doesn’t last long, but my heart breaks more each time I experience it.

The worst lately was not being there in the room for the birth of Besties son. I UNDERSTAND she wanted her mom. That is important. It just hit me hard, because I WILL NOT have that option. It was a double sting.

I miss her. As I finish writing this, I feel the sting of tears in my eyes. I must hurry, before my vision blurs. So, I will leave you now. Til next time♡

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