Weird Dreams


My dreams have been messing with my head lately. I keep having dreams that MIL isn’t gone. In the dreams, I am talking to her and I acknowledge she was gone but has somehow come back. Strange, I know!

Last night’s dream I had a convo with her about how strange it was that she was gone. How it must have been strange for her. Yet, I don’t know how she came back. The best I can describe the “feeling” from the dream is that she was just in a comatose state. I even remember thinking in the dream that I could add her number back in my phone. That was such a happy thought.

But I have to clear my head after I wake. I distinctly remember thinking this morning… “She is still gone, that was just a dream.” It’s like I am mourning her all over again. Again and again. I briefly thought about discussing this with Butthead, but I am afraid it will upset him too much.

So, I come to you, Lovelies. Help a girl out. Why do you think this keeps happening? Is there anything I can do? Have you ever had dreams that trouble you? Let me know, please!


It’s Been Awhile

I apologise for my absence. Things went a bit nutty and I haven’t found my words to describe it. Even now, it’s hard to put into words.

July 10th rocked my family hard. First, to really understand I must give  you some backstory.

After my parents died, I secluded myself from most of my family. I don’t know why, I just did. Around three years ago I finally came back around my Dads brother and his family. We’ve grown quite close. That’s Uncle S, Aunt G, and cousin D and cousin A. Well, being close to them means I also was around their cousins on Aunt Gs side, being they all are very close. This isn’t the case with most families, but it works for us, we are all cousins.

Back to July 10th… Butthead is still up perusing facebook, I have already crashed out. It was around 2am at this point. He shakes me awake and asks if I’ve seen cousin As post on facebook. I shake my head no and he reads it aloud, “Please pray for my family- we need a lot of prayer right now.” This jolts me awake. I knew something was wrong. I commented “text me.”and she replied “call me.” Oh God.

I call, she picks up first ring. “What’s going on?” I asked nervously. She explained that cousin J’s kids were with her (ex) husband earlier tonight and were in a bad car wreck. The oldest and youngest (she has 3 kids) were killed. *heart drop*

Now, all I can think of is the last time I saw them. Easter, hiding eggs for them to hunt. Sweet lil girl was only 6, fun loving lil guy was only 10. Butthead played football with him that day. Our hearts broke. Not only for the kids, but for our family… the ones much closer to them.  The hearts all around that ached. No one ever expects to lose a child… much less two.

Its been awful. Tragic is the best adjective that comes to mind. Life goes on, but forever changed.

So please, say a little prayer for my family. Healing and peace are much needed.  Thanks.