Dork Points

Let’s do the math:

Going to mall with friends:
Safe, no points.

Going into Build A Bear with friends:
It’s okay… they have kids- still no points.

Squealing that there is a “Toothless” to build at BAB:
OK… 5 DORK POINTS

Actually making “Toothless” for YOURSELF at BAB when you are 28 years old:
*facepalm* 100 DORK POINTS

Realising that the detachable wings for “Toothless” will fit on your cat and you squeal in delight after placing said wings on your cat:
INFINATE AMOUNT OF DORK POINTS.

For the curious, yes… yes, this is a true story. I did… I really did!

*facepalm* *kanye shrug* *sigh*

I never said I was grown. I am merely shaped like an adult…haha.

Inflated Ego

I might have been strutting around on Easter like a little chicken fluffing her feathers!

EVERYONE- and I mean, EVERYONE told me how PRETTY I was in my outfit! 🙂 *see previous post, “Rebound” for picture*

I loved the attention, I won’t lie. My family and friends lit up and gasped before telling me how pretty I looked. I love it! I haven’t heard that in a while, so my ego needed that boost.

Then, of course, God or Karma… or a bit of both had to have the last laugh as I fought all day to keep from busting my ass in 3 inch wedges. Once again I cannot escape my nickname…

Sigh, forever a tomboy, I suppose. Gimme my flip-flaps!

I Bring it on Myself…

-Butthead and I are lounging in bed-

Me: *lunges and snuggles my face in his neck/under chin area* *giggle*

Butthead: Uhm. ‘Kay…. *laughs* *moves me out of my hidey spot and kisses my cheek, then rests his face on mine, my cheek to his forehead*

Me: *slyly sticks out tongue and sticks it to his forehead.* *snort, giggle, giggle*

Butthead: “Huh? Oh… really? That’s how it is huh?” *before I can wiggle free, he pins me and licks my face- chin to forehead… Labrador style.*

Me: “oh! Nooooo! Groooooooosssss! ” *sigh*

Crazy

Is it crazy to keep wanting to see her come through the door?
Is it crazy to keep expecting the phone to ring her tone?
Is it crazy to keep thinking… “this can’t be real”?
Is it crazy to miss her this much?

I haven’t hurt like this in a long time. My mind is numb. I don’t want to think. I don’t want to remember that she is gone. She shouldn’t be gone. Not this soon.

I want her back. I miss her. I just want to talk to her again!

DAMN IT!

My Heart is Breaking

There are no words.

MIL is gone.

–Just like that. In a span of a few hours, happy family time turned tragic heart break.

She was fine… or so we thought. Just thought she was having an asthma attack. Turns out RA meds masked severe pneumonia.

It doesn’t seem real.
Make it stop!
She can’t be gone!
Not my second Mom!

forgettable

Try as I might, I am forgettable.

Maybe because I don’t wave my arms and scream- LOOK AT ME!

Perhaps it’s the way I put others first- even when I need so much.

I don’t cause a fuss. Nare a ripple in the water.

I don’t do what I do for any recognition. But, at the same time it hurts to be forgotten all the time.

No one notices when I am sad. That happy face works too well.

No one knows how many tears flow from my eyes. Hot showers conceal puffy eyes and sobs.

This illusion of treading easily a top the water must work well from a distance, because I’ve been drowning for so long- but no one notices.

I am forgettable.

Disappointed

So, I don’t expect much, but this birthday blew big time.

The lady did pass away. MIL didn’t remember it was my bday, if it wasn’t for facebook… I doubt anyone would remember.

Butthead was the only one who made any special effort for me. I expected an invite for a lil cake and some wine from Bestie. Nope. Only text I got was if I still had diapers for her that MIL got.

Not that I should be suprised. I think I was too hopeful to see it, but has really become-if I don’t benefit her in some way, I’m not worth her time.

I want some folks in my life that will suprise me with a fucking cake. A FUCKING CAKE. That’s all. Just show me you CARE. FUUUUUCCCKKK.

I AM SO TIRED OF BEING IGNORED.

Another Year…

T-minus 2 hours left in my 27th year on this planet.

I am not quite as freaked out or depressed as I thought I’d be.

Although, there is a high probability that the lil old lady I take care of might pass away tomorrow. That sucks, a lot.

That is part of my absence on here lately. I was called in as a secondary caregiver for the couple my MIL works for. The lady has terminal brain cancer and is in in-home hospice. Today was pretty bad, she is showing all the classic signs of getting ready to depart this world. 😦

It sucks either way, but I would still rather her not pass on my birthday. That would REALLY suck!
Butthead worries I am too emotional for this line of work. But how can you be a CAREgiver and not care?! To me, you can’t!

Well… if you are so inclined to do so- please pray for the lil lady!
Thanks!

Wal-Mart

Yes, mes amis, this app DOES work.

My BS radar went off about this “gimmick” when I first heard of it, but lo and behold… this joker is no joke!

Haven’t heard of it? Oh, friend… let me tell you of this magical little critter! Basically- as the ads for it say, “Shop at Wal-Mart, scan your receipts with the app, they will check competitor prices and if there is a lower advertised price- they refund you the difference! ”

I didn’t believe it would work. Why would they tell you of lower prices elsewhere? Oh… but they do!

**Soooo Magicalllll*

And you get it back on a e-gift card or a prepaid debit card!

Getting close to $20.00 already! I love it! No more hunting ads for better prices! It’s pretty great!

I am unaware if you lovelies outside the states have Wally World? If you don’t, do you have a “big box store” like it? Like, the one stop shop? Or is this just pure, unadulterated American laziness? 🙂 ha.

Tell me what you think! Til next time! ♥♥♥

Holiday Hoopla

I hope everyone had an AMAZING holiday! I did. Spent time with family and I’ve got great stories to tell. I apologise for my absence, but it was a busy, busy holiday season.

We spent a lot of time over at MILs house. I had to stay close because I ended up working with her and covering some shifts for her. Then just spending quality holiday time over there. It was a blast. I have some great No Filters for you. I’ll be posting those, a new baby fever post and a new vape post!

Random hilarity I must share from earlier this evening. Tonight was our first night back home that we could sit and relax and just kick back. Our kitty baby was loving all the snuggles.

I picked Ninja up and cuddled him, remarking to Butthead, “I love smelling his fur, it smells warm and snuggly!”

To this Butthead replies: “Good thing you are not allergic or it’d smell like anaphylaxis. ”

Haha! Never missed a beat! Ah… I love him!

Stay tuned for more posts! I have much to tell y’all! Gotta catch up!