Thanksgiving Tales

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In honor of Thanksgiving and the need of a bit of laughter, I thought I would give you the tale of my first “adult” Thanksgiving.

I must have gone crazy that year. It was 2006, Momma and Daddy had been gone for a year. Butthead and I had been officially dating for almost a year. I decided that instead of choosing between a bunch of invites from both sides of our families that everyone should come to us! Everyone needed to meet anyway, right? Right? (Insert yeah right facial expression)

Needless to say chaos insued when I realized how ill prepared I was for this massive undertaking! The day before Thanksgiving consisted of me and my sis in law driving back and forth between our houses using my oven and her two ovens to cook everything. We were cooking well into the night. I actually stayed up all night cooking.

Butthead woke early to start the turkey on the rotisserie. He thought the Showtime rotisserie was amazing and wanted to cook in it. I left him to it. I was organizing things onto platters and waiting for sis in law to arrive with more food. I hear Butthead cussing behind me. I turn to see him trying to get a plug of meat out of the “flavor injector”(basically a syringe used to inject marinades into the meat).

Before I could say “no!” Butthead slams the plunger end of the injector on the counter, the lodged piece of meat flies out along with a stream of marinade that flies all the way to the ceiling and splatters. (There is still a stain there to this day! ) I yell: “What the HELL, babe?! REALLY? ” He grins, sheepishly and shrugs, “it’s no longer clogged…and this turkey’s gonna kick ass! ”

After that I realize that I am running out of counter space for all the food and I had not considered that I have 20 people coming to eat and a table that seats 6. -panic-

People arrive, it isn’t very organized, but the food and company is good. People tell me that I shouldn’t have stressed, that they would have been glad with just a sandwich. They understood this was my first time as host. (Insert crazy laugh) After I made sure everyone had a plate and a seat, I sat down on the stairs to catch my breath. I woke up to Butthead shaking me saying, “People are getting ready to go!”

I had passed out on the stairs! I quickly concluded that hosting Thanksgiving was not a gig for me! I am not built to be a hostess. I stress and worry too much! I cannot pretend to be Martha Stewart! It’s just not me! I spent entirely too much time trying to make sure everything was perfect and did not get to enjoy my company like I should have.

Anyone have a Thanksgiving Tale to share? Write it below!
Happy Thanksgiving, y’all! โ™กโ™กโ™ก

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My Head Hurts

I feel the need to express my thoughts, having them bang around in my brain is causing a headache.

Ferguson. Everything about this situation is tragic. What I think bothers me the most is how polar people are becoming about this. In this day and age of instant information and media coverage we seem to take up opinions quite quickly. Sometimes these opinions are made too quick and with haste.

We are quick to jump on a bandwagon and ride away. All I am seeing on social media are polorized opinions. It’s either “no justice, no peace” or “they are riotuous thugs. ” I personally can’t get behind any of it.

As far as the decision goes, I do not know enough facts about the case to call it fair or not. I do believe that if twelve people said there is not enough evidence, then there was not enough evidence. There are cries on twitter about how “of course he got off, there was a white majority on the jury”. My response to that comes after a long moment of contemplation.  To that, I ask: just because they are white, automatically means they are racist?

Let’s think about this. Why is it okay to presume out of all the white people who are joining the protests, out of all the white people sounding off on social media, that the court found a handful of white folks that were for sure racist? That is ridiculous! Also, knowing that this chaos was a likely outcome, how incredibly hard do you think it was for that jury to make that decision?! If anything, indicting him would have been the EASY choice.

That being said, I understand how tragic it is this young man lost his life. I understand that this is a profoundly sad situation, two families will never be the same. Two families! It’s almost like people are forgetting that the officer is human too. He has a family too.

But perhaps the most tragic thing of all is the fact that people are taking to the street and creating violence and chaos. What does this serve? This is just the big kid version of a temper tantrum. It doesn’t resolve anything at all. In fact, it victimizes innocent people. Instead of focusing on positive movements like pushing for video recorders for all cops, people are burning businesses to the ground. It is senseless and ignorant. This does not create change.

Sitting here and writing this does nothing. Watching this chaos does nothing. Creating chaos does nothing. Protests are nice, but fall on deaf ears. Once the movement is started and has been seen, it takes time to come about.Change is slow. Change will come to pass out of necessity. Now in the meantime, all there is to do is mourn losses, count blessings and wait.

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I Hate Bad Weather!

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Really.
Hate.
Bad weather.

Tonight was panic attack level bad. Tornado sirens sounded. I watched the TV radar as a doppler indicated tornado raced a path just miles away from my home.

We were blessed tonight. We were missed and only got heavy rain. But, if you’ve ever been unfortunate enough to have been in a tornado before- just a siren going off is enough to induce a panic attack.

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Southern Women

I try to hide my “southerness” in my writing, sometimes it slips out though.

I am known to go full Southern in real life. I found these youtube videos,  “Shit Southern Women Say”

Yes! Some of it is more for “hoity toity” women, as we would say, but here are my phrases I use that are in here:

Hey y’all!
Hey, how’s your momma and them?
Some fool
Buggy
Dern…dayum…shyyyit
My hair won’t do nothing!
Fixin to
Lemme tell you somethin
Jack and coke
White Zin
Dumb as dirt
Bless their heart
Taters
Full as a tick
Tupperware (I was suckered in)
Goober!

I plan on going thru the others, too. I will just add to this post below! I hope you get a good laugh as I did! ๐Ÿ™‚

**Shit Southern Women say 2**

I did not realize how podunk I am, Lord have mercy! Haha

Homemade sin
Lord have mercy
Are you shittin me?
Don’t getcha panties in a wad
Hold an asprin between your knees
Ya eat yet?
Unsweet tea (eww)
Manners
Excuuuuse you!
Actin ugly
Daylights
For Heavens sake!
Hot as hades
Ill as a hornet
Mashing buttons
Nutty as a fruitcake
Tinkle
Holler at me

—Shit Southern Women Say 3—

Okay. This is the most like me! This list is a doozie! (I had no idea, just how bad I was)

Miranda Lambert
Ruberneckin
All get out
I about died
Carry a tune
Thingamajig
Whatchamadoodle
Doohickey
Lookahere
Chic fil a
_____as shit
Cut off
Daggum it
Oh hell no
I might could do that
Gussied up
Naked as a jaybird
Useta could
Tickled me to death
Worth a flip
Ain’t that pittiful
Spittin image
Turnip truck
Hush yo mouth
Worn slap out
Toodleloo

Okay… then all this. I can’t even dissect this one. Just, all of it! (Well… except for the college football, I only yell “Sic em! “)

Shit Southern Women Say 4

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Dorks

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Butthead and I have our ups and downs, but nights like tonight just confirms why I love him.

(In the kitchen making homemade cookies)

Butthead: (putting his hands on my shoulders) I love you, woman.

Me: (turning around with a finger swipe of cookie dough in my mouth) mhmmm?

Butthead: (laughs) I love you cause we can be dorks together! Who else can I cook cookies with in the middle of the night?

Me: Well, its not exactly the middle of the night. It’s like, ten. (Grin)

Butthead: Well, how about we go knocking on doors and see who all is making cookies? Let’s make that assessment and see where we stand! Huh?! (Busts out laughing)

Me: Dork!

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A Moment

Just a moment.
A moment of pure aggrivation!

Ever have one of those? For no real good, rational reason, but you are just so annoyed you could squish someone??!

That just happened to me.

Butthead and I are in relax mode. Sitting together, half watching football, half playing games on our phones. I guess the TV isn’t loud enough, I dunno, but all the sudden all my focus is drawn to the sound of Butthead taking drags off his vape.

-sssssss-
I try to ignore it. Focus on my puzzle game.
-ssssssssssss-
Ugh. Focus! Maybe I should hit my vape.
-SSSSSSSSSSSSSS-
Oh FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
Me: “IT IS WHISTLING. MAKE IT STOP! ”
Butthead: (confuzzled look) “What? -sssssss- I think you are hearing the whistles on TV. -SSSSSSSSSSSS-”

NO NO NO NO NO!
ERGH. I WANNA SQUISH HIM.

Well, I did. I am okay now. Just a moment of rage. Go figure!?

THANK YOU!

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THANK YOU!
THANK YOU!
THANK YOU!

I know I am still small potatoes in the blog world, but this milestone makes me hopeful that y’all do actually like what I have to say! ๐Ÿ˜‰

So, thank you all, so much for reading what I write!

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No Filter Round 4

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More facepalms and snickers from MIL… for previous No Filters, check out my “Favorite Topics” page!

-Telling us a story about her old friend she recently visited:

MIL: …I feel so bad, she is living in a piece of ass little trailer…

Butthead: (cracks up) Mom, mom. (Laughs)

MIL: (looks confused) What? What is so funny?

Butthead: (still laughing) That’s NOT how you use that phrase! 

MIL waves him off and keeps talking.

Our convo about rice:

Buttheads nephew:(eating rice) I wonder what eats rice naturally?

Butthead: I dunno, it grows in flooded rice patties, kind of hard to access…

MIL: Foreigners eat the rice.

(We all stare at her)

Butthead: Mom!

MIL: Well, they do! It’s a staple in the asian diet!

Butthead: But, Mom, you can’t just say it like that! It sounds, bad!

MIL: Well… you know what I mean…

Calling around about pre-cooked Thanksgiving Dinners:

MIL: What is in your deluxe dinner? Mhmm…how much is that? PFTTT!  $150.00?!  I think I can find a pie and rolls elsewhere!

(Somehow we get on the topic of strip clubs, don’t ask, I dunno!)

Buttheads brother: Yeah, in other states they don’t get naked. They just have pasties and panties.

MIL: Well, what’s the use in that? You can see the same thing on the beach!

(We all pause, look at her… then crack up)

Well…that’s all for this week! I have a feeling Thanksgiving will provide several good gems for me to share! ๐Ÿ™‚ Til next time!โ™กโ™ฅโ™กโ™ฅ

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My Mind Wanders…

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My mind tends to wander… a lot. Here are some of my latest musings:

1. Why does my name sound so weird? Seriously, slow your mind down and think of how it sounds to you. Weird, right?

2. A lot of words sound weird. Potato.  For real, who came up with THAT?

3. What if aliens really exsisted? Would they facepalm at our sad exsistance or be fascinated at our strange ways?

4. Why is Kim Kardashians ass everywhere? For the love of good gracious… I do NOT care that she can sit a glass on her ass. I do not care, here or there… I do not care anywhere. 

5. Black friday. Why is it black? Why would I want to fight people for a TV? To save 50 bucks? Pfft.

6. Do we actually think in a language? I think I do? I speak English in my head when I think to write, but when I am not thinking of thinking… am I thinking in English?

7. What can’t our eyes see? How do we know if what we see is really there or is what others see? How do I know my blue is the same as your blue? We just call it blue. How do you describe it?

Hm. That’s all I got for now.

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