Holidays. Yay.

Yes, that’s sarcasm.

I am not looking forward to this holiday season. It’s our first without MIL.

I miss her so much. So so much. And the approaching holiday season keeps reminding me of this fact.

I find myself wanting to call her. Wanting to chat. Talk about holiday plans, what to cook, go shopping. And I can’t.

I spoke to her picture yesterday.

“I still can’t believe you’re gone.”

It still hurts. My heart hurts.

I was thinking about how I had just gotten used to her being my “second mom.” How warm the holidays felt with her. I had gotten that back, just to have it ripped away again.

This hurts my heart. My heart still beats, but it aches so much. It pains my chest as all the sadness and tears choke up in there. I could cry… but the pain remains either way. So, why expend the energy.

This pain is still raw. I hate how fast the one year mark is approaching.  I hope I can let this wound finally start to heal. Soon.

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