So Much

So many things running thru my head lately, I can’t nail anything down to write about. My heartache over MIL, life in general, how life has changed the month she’s been gone.

We’ve had good days and bad. Sad and happy. Life moves on it seems, but it’s so much emptier. I cry about things I wish could of happened before she was gone.

I cry because my children will not have any grandparents. She wanted us to have a baby so bad. I wanted her there with me when I have birth.

I actually busted out in tears while talking to Buttheads sis and step brother. S.B. said, “She was there for both my kids birth…” and it hit me like a Mack truck. Sis looked at me when I gasped and I felt my face contort. I sunk my face in my hands and wailed as sis came over to hold me. “Oh! Honey! ” she knew what my realization was
… “I will be there, I promise! ” She told me as she held me tight.

It hurt so bad. My heart felt like it hit the floor. MIL loved her grandbabies like nothing else in the world. I hate my children will not know their Nana.

I have more on this subject, but this is all my heart can take right now.

Later Lovelies!

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