September 11, 2014
This date was already important in our family as it is my sister-in-law’s birthday. This year, she received an amazing gift, her first grandbaby. Her oldest daughter, 19, delivered her baby a little after 6am this morning.
I find myself excited, proud, and overjoyed for my niece. However, after the excitement came the pang of jealousy. The green monster. Seeing the pictures of my 19 year old niece holding her precious daughter, her face emoting the feelings I long for, I have to admit jealousy.
I can’t help but feel confused. As far as my upbringing goes, I’m trying to do it “the right way” but it feels so wrong. My niece did not plan for this baby, she is only 19. At 19, I was in college working on a degree and doing everything to prevent being pregnant. Yet, I look at her and see that as what I wanted. I feel like now, if I had just had a baby then- I would be happy now. I wouldn’t be stuck. Even though, I was doing things “the right way.”
Why does her situation seem so much more desirable, so easy? According to my upbringing, she has done it all wrong. No diploma, no college, not married and has pregnancy medicaid. All her medical bills are covered. Even if I was to get pregnant tomorrow, I have no insurance. I could not qualify for medicaid. My baby would cost tens of thousands of dollars. Why is the “wrong way” so easy? It doesnt seem fair.